Category

Moms Against Anal Sex

A mom in England didn't take it lightly when her 13-year-old daughter's school handed out leaflets about anal sex to the kids.

Snipped from the Daily Mail:

An outraged mum has blasted a school for handing out leaflets about anal sex to her 13-year-old daughter.

The furious mother has taken her child out of Thomas Alleyne School at Stevenage, Herts, and is set to stop her returning for the new school year in September.

Tagged: anal sex, sex education

Masturbating ex-con conceals weapon in ass

The news used to be about current events, politics, world affairs, disasters and such, but things are changing. A naked man was found masturbating on a nature trail in California, and when the police arrested him for indecent exposure they asked the standard question: "Are you hiding any concealed weapons?" Well the dude, 33-year-old John Sheehan of Pittsburg, who only recently had been released from prison was naked, so where could he hide a weapon. Turns out the ass is a good place to hide an awl!

Kinky John is now awaiting trial in the county jail in Martinez on suspicion of parole violations, indecent exposure and one felony count of possessing a concealed weapon. You just can't make up shit like that!

Firecracker Up The Ass

A man in England suffered unspecified injuries after stuffing a firecracker up his ass and lighting it in celebration of Guy Fawkes day. This just cracks me up! How stupid can you possibly get? His friends apparently captured the whole thing on video.

Several of the man’s friends recorded the incident on a mobile phone. The blurry images show a man bent over with his pants down and a white flash as the firecracker explodes.

I bet they're not going to let him forget this any time soon.

Unspecified Anal Injury

An inmate at the Summit County Jail died in police custody.

Summit County Medical Examiner Lisa J. Kohler on Monday said an autopsy showed that Mark McCullaugh Jr., 28, had been restrained by the wrists and ankles and had an unspecified anal injury. McCullaugh also was hit with pepper spray and a stun gun during a struggle, the coroner said.

I get the wrist and ankles, even the pepper spray and stun gun (must've been a helluve fight), but why they had to go up his ass is beyond me. Things that make you go hmmm…

The new Moon Roof from Ford

This is supposedly one of the higher priced extras on a new top-of-the-line Ford soon to hit dealerships across America. A high ranking exec in Ford's R&D department says that "even though the new Moon Roof isn't very aerodynamic and actually blocks out much of the light, you will never have to buy another Wunderbaum again".

Final pricing for the Moon Roof has yet to be set, but it's expected to exceed the price of the car itself. The target demographic is said to be dirty old men.

Baring the buttocks in Cyprus

 

A roadside billboard in Nicosia, Cyprus is causing a stir. Some people fear that the billboard, featuring a woman baring her ass, will distract drivers and cause accidents.

One member of parliament, Maria Kyriakou, from the opposition Democratic Rally party, told Reuters it could even be a "potential distraction for drivers."

The Media Complaints Commission is looking into the case, but nothing is expected to come of it. Hey, we could use guys like that in the FCC!

Spanked by the professor

A 42-year old student at SUNY New Paltz was beaten on the ass by her 82-year-old professor Wade Thompson in order to get better grades. Now she's suing him for sexual abuse and assault and a misdemeanor charge of forcible touching.

"He said 'If you're a good little girl, you're going to lift up your dress and come over my lap and let me spank you.' He mentioned my grades. … All I could think of is what am I going to do now? … He has been there the longest time … and nobody is going to believe me, and I did it."

According to the woman she was beaten 64 times (she was counting?!?) with a belt on the buttocks, first with the strap, then with the buckle. Ouch! I hope she at least got an A!

Brownie or Pinkie? (I’m talking about assholes.)

I watch porn movies for a living. When you do that you start noticing things. Like for instance some chicks have brown puckerholes while others have nice pink ones.

I thought maybe with all that shit passing through there’s bound to be some discoloration. But lately I’ve seen so many pinkie winkies I started to smell a rat. It turns out these porn actresses actually bleach their assholes. That probably shouldn’t come as a surprize to me, doing what I do for a living, but I was still a little blown away. Wouldn’t it hurt to have bleach applied to your bunghole? If you’ve ever had a hot chili pepper shoved up your rectum you know what I’m talking about!

Anyway, ass bleaching, as well as pussy bleaching, is the latest rage among the hip and trendy and several beauty salons are specializing in the treatment. You can read an article about it here. A full wax and bleach of your inner cheeks is surprizingly affordable, only about 75 bucks.

Buttocks to die for

At 46 Maria Olivia Aguirre-Castillo felt the years creeping up on her and her buttocks sagging. That’s when she decided that a little DIY cosmetic surgery in the gluteal area was a good idea. She enlisted the help of a friend and set forth in her persuit of a fuller, firmer butt. Not a good choice.

Monterey County Sheriff’s Department detectives say Aguirre-Castillo was injected multiple times into the folds of skin where the top of each thigh meets the buttocks with a syringe filled with some kind of filler, leaving multiple half-inch red bruises on her butt.

Long story short her internal organs were poisoned and Maria died. The moral of the story? I’m not sure there is one, but please don’t ry this at home unless you’re a trained professional.

Man shot in the ass - VP spotted fleeing the scene

A man was shot in the buttocks following an altercation outside a strip joint in Sidney, Australia.

The 21-year-old had left the Men’s Gallery on Pitt Street about 1am and became involved in an argument with a group of men standing outside. He was shot once in the buttocks at close range before the gunman fled, police said this morning. The bleeding man then ran back inside the Men’s Gallery, where he hid while friends went outside to hail a taxi.

Rumour has it that the fleeing man bore a striking resemblance to VP Dick Cheney. Witnesses report he was incomprehensibly babbling something about quails. The Secret Service did not respond to Plumper Buttock’s request for a statement.